are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
