Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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