if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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