just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
