Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
