the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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