Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
