Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
