you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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