nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
