dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You can't motorboat a personality
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
