Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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