And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
