She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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