I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
