Your tits are I can't wait for
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
