She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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