did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
