It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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