Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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