I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
