Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
