You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
