so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We left the knife in your bed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
