I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
