i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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