They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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