yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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