I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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