Your mouth is God's brothel.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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