Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
