They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
