he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
