Where is the hickey?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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