Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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