Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
