What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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