oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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