I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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