on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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