Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
