So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Small penises have feelings too.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
