Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize