apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
