fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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