Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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