turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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