So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
