I just gift wrapped bread.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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