The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize