i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
