Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
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Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
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walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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