I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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