Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
