i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
