no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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