At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
