If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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