and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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