someone owes me an orgasm
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
